the dining room and everyone shuts up, but
you’ve also had an impact on your children.”
Kalman believes in focusing on the bullied, teaching them to control their anger at
the situation and take the pleasure out of bullying for the bully. “I teach kids how not to be
victims,” he says. “And if you learn how not to
be a victim, nobody can bully you.”
Reform the bully
If children have already reached the bullying stage, they have to be held accountable
and made to deal directly with the person
they hurt. “It’s a role,” says Coloroso. “We have
to rewrite the script.”
Kalman agrees bullies cannot be ignored,
but advises care in the way they are addressed.
“I hate referring to kids as bullies,” he cautions. “It is not a diagnosis, but an insult. Just
as I wouldn’t call a child a wimp, loser or fool,
I wouldn’t refer to a child as a bully. Many
kids who get labeled bullies feel they are victims. The reason they are aggressive is because
they don’t like the way they are being treated,
so they respond aggressively.”
Coloroso and Kalman don’t necessarily
see eye to eye on all aspects of the issue, but
both acknowledge that bullying is cyclical.
Abuse can create a bully who then passes it on
to someone perceptibly weaker. The bullied
can easily become the bully. And Coloroso and
Kalman agree the cycle must be broken. C
Style and Design Reinvented
display shows formulas and
results exactly as they appear
in a textbook. Other features
include easy menu function,
table function and list-based
statistics function. Item #111354
• Be nice to kids when they are mean to you,
and before long they will stop being mean.
This is known as the Golden Rule, and is the
solution to bullying.
• Don’t tell on kids who upset you. They will
hate you and want to beat you up. Talk to
them directly and they will respect you much
more. Tell an adult only if there is an emergency situation, or because you want the
adult to teach you how to handle the problem.
• Don’t get angry when kids insult you. They
love to see you getting angry. Make it clear
they can insult you all they want and it doesn’t
bother you. After a few days, they will stop.
• If kids bring you nasty rumors, don’t
defend yourself. Just ask the kids, “Do you
believe it?” If they say they do, answer,
“You can believe it if you want.” You come
out being the winner, and they will leave
you alone. And if they say they don’t
believe it, you also win!
• If kids hit you and you’re not hurt, act like
nothing happened. This way you look tough
and cool because you don’t get upset over
nonsense. If they keep hitting or pushing
you, ask them calmly, “Are you mad at me?”
If they aren’t, they’ll stop hitting you. If they
are angry, they’ll tell you why. You can discuss the matter, apologize if appropriate,
and they will also stop hitting you. C
Tips for kids
who are bullied
IZZY KALMAN OFFERS these suggestions
to stem the tide of bullying.