Costco Connection - December 2009

“GoingtoCostco soothesme.

Idon’tknowwhy, butitdoes.”

SUSAN SCHELLING PHOTOGRAPHY

“I was a pain in the ass,” he explains. “I did not get along well with management. I don’t look at it proudly. People think it’s funny and they laugh, but at the time it was terrible. I was married, had a baby, and getting fired once every 11 months and having to pick up and move to another city wasn’t any fun. I wouldn’t wish it on almost anyone.” Television has proven to be a much friendlier medium for him, not only as a host, but as a producer and writer as well. He will be an executive producer on a new half-hour comedy for NBC starring Adam Carolla.

Step 4: “If the item is too big to get in the car, Costco.com is great.”

Inside the warehouse, Kimmel stops and looks around.

“This is my Disneyland,” he exclaims.

“This is where I realize that it’s great to be an American, when I walk through Costco.

“I have two modes,” he explains. “Relaxation mode, in which I’ll spend a good hour and a half in the store, or quick shopping mode. If I’m going for a long visit, I always check the electronics first.”

Kimmel has numerous televisions at home, including a 103-inch monster that regales friends and family on football Sundays, but today a Panasonic HDTV catches his eye.

“I love going to the store,” he explains, “but Costco.com for large items can’t be beat. So I’ll take a picture of the sign with my phone so I can look it up on Costco.com when I get home.”

Asked how he shops, Kimmel responds literally: “I start on the right side and work my way across. It falls into two categories: things on the list and things I can’t resist.”

He evidently finds lots of things he can’t resist, sharing, “I have a storage room in my house that’s like a little Costco.”

Kimmel’s shopping is not motivated by gratuitous material gratification. With item after item, he mentions a relative, friend or friend’s child who would like it. He’ll buy it and put it in that storage room, waiting for a special occasion to make the presentation. Bad wrapping and all.

Passing the fine jewelry, he says, “I bought my ex-wife’s engagement ring at Costco. She was very clever. She knew I wasn’t crazy about buying jewelry, but if she found it at Costco, I couldn’t resist.”

Step 5: “Better to get in a line of fewer people with a ton of stuff than a whole bunch of people with a couple of things.”

“People who buy a lot of stuff are pros,” he observes. “I want to be behind the people who know how to shop.”

He chooses a short line with a couple pushing a large flatbed cart full of items and gets in line.

A Costco employee is asking the couple if they have an Executive Membership, which prompts Kimmel to share, “I actually make money on my Executive Membership. I always make $500 every year. I should probably buy two memberships; I’d make $500 on both.” [Uh, sorry, Jimmy. That won’t work.—Ed.]

Approaching the exit, we pass a display of caskets. Kimmel laughs and says, “Costco has everything from birth to death. I’m definitely going to be buried in a Costco casket—there’s no question about that. If I’m not buried in a Costco casket, I’m going to come back and haunt my relatives.”