The Costco Connection - December 2016

BY VIVIAN DITTMAR

’TIS THE SEASON to be jolly, yet, more o;en than not, we find ourselves in less than high spirits when the holiday season hits. Whether it’s because old family tensions reach a boiling point in the run-up to the all-important event, or because the lack of daylight is getting to us in the colder climates, it’s important to realize we are not the only ones having a hard time emotionally during this time of year. In fact, many people are.

Here is what you can do to navigate the emotional roller coaster through the holiday season and still enjoy the ride.

Let go of your concept of how it should be.

;is is probably not what you want to hear, and
it can be hard to do, but it always works. One
check our own needs. ;e result can be that
we get trapped in ful;lling each other’s pre-
sumed expectations, with nobody getting
what they need or want in the end.

It can be tough to be honest about what you ;nd when you take that space to breathe and check in with yourself. However, if you step up and speak out about what you need— whether it is time alone, a massage, a pillow ;ght, a silly game or a hug—you give other people permission to do the same.

Feel what you are feeling. One of the big emotional holiday traps is that the pressure to be happy is so high. It’s important to know that with family members o;en traveling long distances to spend time together and expectations running high, it is normal to experience less-than-happy-feelings during this time. ;is is not a problem per se, but it soon becomes one when we choose to suppress what we are feeling rather than allowing it to just exist.

;e holidays are about connecting with ourselves and each other. Emotional honesty— feeling what we are feeling and not covering it with what we think we should be feeling— o;en goes a long way in creating that intimacy we long for. And the best part is, by allowing ourselves to feel whatever it is we are feeling, we soon discover that the joy we are looking for is just around the corner.

Practice gratitude. At the end of the day, it is not what we have or accomplish that determines how happy we are, but rather what we are grateful for. Yet, being stressed and being grateful don’t go well together. ;at’s why it is important to slow down, especially during the holidays.

Practicing gratitude is not about talking yourself into liking what you really don’t like. It is about consciously appreciating the good things in life. It’s about that ;rst moment in the morning when you wake up and realize you have a warm, cozy, comfortable and safe place to sleep in and saying thank you for that. It is about that moment when you look around the room and realize your friends or family are with you and how good it is to have them, even if they can be annoying, challenging or stressful. If we miss those little opportunities to say a quiet thank you, the gi;s in life and of the holiday season pass by unnoticed.

;at said, keep breathing and enjoy the ride. A;er all, the emotional intensity of the holidays is what makes them such a special time of the year. If you keep these ;ve keys on hand, chances are you will be able to enjoy the emotional highs and lows as an opportunity to celebrate life—your life—exactly the way it happens to be this season. C

Business coach and author Vivian Dittmar founded the nonpro;t Be the Change Foundation for Cultural Change ( VivianDittmar.com).

Managing the
holiday
roller coaster

FOR YOUR HEALTH

Ho, ho, help!

of the reasons stress runs high during this time is because we tend to be overburdened by images of perfect holiday settings. We want it all: the perfect out;t, the perfect dinner, the perfect family, the perfect decoration, the perfect gi; for each and everyone.

While it’s good to care about making it a great event for everyone, when we set the mark too high, we can ruin it for ourselves and those we love. When you ;nd yourself getting stressed out, remember what gives you joy during this time and let go of everything else. It’s probably more simple than you think.

Less is more. Yes, it is. Go through those long lists you have of everyone and everything you should be thinking about and doing something for and, one by one, cross out anything that is not essential. Meet fewer people. Buy fewer gi;s but put more care into them. Make less food but make it good. Throw a less-than-perfect party but be a relaxed host. Don’t throw a party at all, if it stresses you. Have a cup of tea with friends and see where it goes.

Check your real needs. ;is sounds obvious, but many of us get so caught up with taking care of everyone else’s needs during this time of year that we forget to slow down and