physically, emotionally, spiritually—so
they can be the parent their child needs.”
The surviving parent should make
sure that the child feels understood,
Schuurman says. For example, when a
child under ; says something like “I’m
mad. I miss Daddy,” the mom could reply,
“Oh, you’re mad. You miss Daddy. I miss
Daddy, too. It’s OK to be mad, but it isn’t
OK to bite and kick people. What else
could we do when we’re mad that won’t
hurt anybody? We can throw pillows.”
Model some of the coping
Instead of always putting on a sunny
face, the surviving parent should be open
about sharing their distress to show a child
how to handle it constructively. For exam-
ple, Mom could say that she misses Dad
and cries a little, but she feels better when
she remembers the good times they shared
as a family, or suggest writing a story.
“I do think you need to model some of
the coping by sharing some of your own
reactions,” says Dr. David Schonfeld,
director of the National Center for School
Crisis and Bereavement at the University
of Southern California, and a Costco mem-
ber ( sowkweb.usc.edu; search “crisis”).
Children should be allowed to have a
relationship with the deceased parent
that grows, Schonfeld says. Things such
as leaving the parent’s picture on display
or giving the child an article of the par-
ent’s clothing can forge new bonds.
“There’s a tendency for parents not
to want to talk about the individual who
has died because they think it will upset
the child,” Schonfeld says. “But the child
already knows the person is dead and
thinks about them continuously. The
memories of the person who has died isn’t
what upsets them. It’s the loss.”
Finding ways to talk
Children need to have all their feelings about the deceased parent validated,
including “the good, the bad and the indifferent,” FitzGerald says. “There need to
be opportunities to talk about what they
miss and also what they don’t miss,” but
it should never be forced. Sometimes a
playful activity like watching a movie
together can make children feel safe and
lead them to open up more easily than a
direct approach.
The loss is always there, but need not
take over the child’s life. “Identify the
child and recognize the challenges. Do not
identify the child by their challenges,”
Shrock says. “Let’s not spend all our time
on where they’re struggling. Let’s build
them so they can walk into the struggles.” C
Robert Lerose is an award-winning New York–based writer
( robertlerose.com/writer).
Healing Circle members work together in team
charades to express themselves without talking.
C
O
UR
T
ES
Y
O
F
COM
F
OR
T
Z
ON
E
C
AMP
Left: A dance contest at
Comfort Zone Camp teaches
self-expression and con;-dence. Below: Campers learn
empathy as they guide their
Big Buddies in a trust walk.
WHEN HEARTBURN
IS OBVIOUS,
BUT THE PATH TO
RELIEF IS NOT.
Antacid. Starts working in
seconds for occasional
short-term heartburn resulting
from spicy foods or overeating.
PROMPT
TREATMENT
FOR HEARTBURN
AND ACID
INDIGESTION
WAREHOUSE ONLY | AVAILABLE NOW
Item #665910
Exclusively from Costco Wholesale